PSA – Before Your Wife/Mom Loses Her Sanity Completely

brain bomb

I haven’t written on this blog for a bit because I haven’t had any amazing and funny stories to share, but today I felt this was a moment where I needed to change gears and share some insight with the everyone.

If you look up the definition of “MOM” in the dictionary it states “a woman in relation to a child or children to whom she has given birth.” That definition doesn’t do justice to what we are the second a child comes from our womb. What the dictionary should say is “A person who does everything for everyone else without an ounce of gratitude or consideration from anyone. Someone who gives up her life for her kids as well as her spouse.”

Whether that mother is a stay-at-home mom or a working mom this still applies. You are the first person they call if they are sick and dying (because they go hand in hand).  The one who they go to if their missing their shoes or their toy is broken (even thought dad is more equipped to fix said toy). They had a nightmare they come running to mom’s side of the bed. Dinner is on the table by a certain time every night and likely was put there by none other than MOM. If the house isn’t clean who is to blame? MOM! The kids are ill behaved, who is at fault? MOM! Something has disappeared and no one can find it. Call MOM! I forgot my (Fill in the blank) at home (this applies to husbands and kids) I can’t live without it. MOM!

I think these are just a few examples of how MOM comes to the rescue on a DAILY basis. It may look like your MOM/WIFE hasn’t done all the things you expect her to get done in a day (i.e dishes, picking up the house, vacuuming, laundry, dinner), but did you consider all the things she did that you don’t physically see. I’m not going to be a blunt as to say hey the family is still alive (because of MOM). I’ll give you a few hidden examples of a stay-at-home mom because that is what I am now. Here is an average day for me.

On a typical day, I get up with my kids and make sure they don’t look homeless on their way out the door (some days this isn’t successful and I can’t help it). Animals are fed (because kids typically forget to do it on their way out the door after walking by said food and animals themselves.) Then the little one is up she is three mind you and becoming very independent. That doesn’t mean she is actually doing things for herself. What that actually means is if she sees you helping her she will get upset or if you don’t jump and run to get what she “told” you do she will get upset. Ultimately resulting in my doing whatever she needed just to avoid a screaming throw down fit (Mom’s can only take so much). Now she is also refusing naps until she has exhausted herself to the point of plain passing out. Now back on track, youngest wakes up. She wants milk (NOW) and to watch the exact show she wants (even if said show isn’t on yet and she hates commercials, thanks DAD). Then she wants breakfast, but nothing that I have to offer is what she wants so she moves on to lunch foods (this is a recent development) until I finally give up and feed her a hot dog for breakfast so she won’t starve to death. Then she needs clothes (this will be the first of MANY clothes changes throughout the day for NO REASON!) I have stopped putting her clean clothes away because she changes so often I can’t keep track of clean and dirty anymore. If clean clothes are in her dresser/closet they will be on the floor within an hour of them being put away. So I have baskets set up and she dumps them multiple times a day onto the floor. So that will be the cleaning process that gets repeated over and over to put them back in the basket.  Then we have Legos and Barbie’s that get left out and if asked to clean I get a pile in her room so we wait that out as well. After a particular rough day there WILL be many clothes, toys and such strewn through the house because I have no more energy left to tell said little to pick it and put it away. Then she asks for lunch this is an everyday adventure. She selects something and I warm it up, but inevitably no matter what I do it is ALWAYS too hot. So if I’m lucky the child doesn’t throw it on the floor and storm out (because she is also tired, but  not admitting it to herself). Most days lunch will go in the “fridg-a-lator” to cool. She will likely forget it is there and get hungry and fetch herself a snack without asking. Then I have a mess, a snack and an uneaten lunch to deal with.

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I’m not a pushover mom as it may sound. What I’m not adding in here is there are spankings (*GASP* I know get over it), timeouts, frustrated mommy sticking her head in her shirt like a turtle because I need a minute and on the really great days mommy tears because I’m so frustrated that I have a strong willed toddler who just plain doesn’t listen). My husband thinks I need to be more strict, but what he doesn’t realized is by the time the older kids get home I’M EXHAUSTED!! I have nothing left. I’m doing good to not lose it as soon as the first child starts bickering (and they do every day). I’m a mom I listen, I absorb and I try to be the softer side of this partnership (because typically dad’s are known to be the disciplinarian and mine is no different because he doesn’t have an ounce of patience). That bites me in the butt every day!

This also didn’t include days where toddler is asleep and older kids call because they need me to bring them something or they just aren’t going to be able to make it through the rest of the day. Or DAD calls and has forgotten something terribly important at home and I NEED to drive over an hour one way to get it to him (With said toddler in the car throwing a fit making the drive feel like four hours instead).

I’m losing my mind to life a little everyday. I actually almost left the house in a zipper hoodie (wide open) and a bra the other day because I didn’t realize I didn’t put my shirt back on. No I might not get laundry done every day and my house might be a wreck (EVERYDAY!), but you have to realized women are emotional creatures. We can only take so much before we break. After a day of raising kids (that are half YOURS) we don’t want to be told what we didn’t get done. We don’t want to listen to you complain because the house is a wreck and she is taking some much needed MOM time and getting on her phone/computer or vegging out in front of the TV attempting to watch one show that isn’t a cartoon or sings songs in high pitched sing-songy voices. She just needs a minute. You have been gone all day to work and sometimes might only get a couple hours a night with YOUR kids. She has 24/7/365. I know the last time I got away from my kids for an evening (2 hours) I still had to come home and put the kids to bed because they “needed me”. If she goes the bedroom to regroup, that just means it’s your turn to take care of them. She is likely trying to ward off a mental break. If you follow her into the bedroom hoping for some “ONE ON ONE” time (yes I’m talking about THAT) chances are you are going to be shot down. That is not why she is there and that is not what she wants. She wants to feel like the world isn’t crashing down around her as fast as she can build it back up. If you decide to follow her then expect to have a conversation with her about what she wants or to find a way to comfort her without looking for compensation because she has paid enough and that is why she is in there to begin with.

There is so much your wife/mom does that you don’t even see. Don’t take her for granted and let her fall into oblivion because no matter how together she seems, behind closed doors she is dying a little inside. Sometimes it feels like taking care of everyone else can suck the actual life out of you. I know I have times that I feel like I’m a shell of the person I once was. I talk to little people everyday on an intelligence level far beneath my own and my husband wants to do anything but talk when he gets home. So it just gets crammed back further into my brain until someone is there to listen. No being a mom isn’t sunshine and rainbows every day like some want you to believe and no I don’t love my kids any less. I will say there are times I want them to just GO AWAY!

I said all of this to say this. Husbands, Kids, FAMILY cherish your MOMS/WIFES. They go through HELL and BACK every single day, even if you don’t see it.  Being a MOM is a thankless job and you don’t have to wait for Mother’s Day to tell her how much she means to you. Just knowing that you notice will mean the world to her.

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The lies we tell our children

You know we have all told our kids lies are bad, but we all know we have told our kids a few lies to get them to do what we need. Really the tooth fairy or Santa Claus are just stories to keep our kids on their best behaviour. 

I know a few of my latest include an evil wizard who locks the window in the car so my 2yr old can’t roll it down (aka driver locks). This is because she can’t argue with invisible entities. On the other hand, she would tell at me about it if she knew I had the power. The only way to breakthrough he curse is to find a window fairy and they are hard to find as they are clear (like glass)

Another I’ve told my two yr old is the tooth fairy won’t pay her for crooked teeth. Her sister has just started losing her teeth so she is very aware of tooth fairy powers. Well we are trying to break the pacifier and this is helping during the daytime. Nightime it falls.out anyway so I’m less concerned on that end. 

I actually convinced my 6yr old when she was younger that when the ice cream man played music he was out of ice cream. This wasn’t necessarily for her well being, but for my self preservation. He drove up and down our street back then like 10 times a day. I can go buy a box of whatever she wants at the grocery store for a fraction of the cost. She needed to learn budgeting and money saving. Learning how not to blow your money on a ten second urge. 

In my house I create magic things and mystical creatures who fix things or make things not work properly. Magic air heals boo boos, magic toilets flush in their own, magic creatures protect. 

One time my daughter informed me that a cow was in her bedroom. This was a time in her life that cows terrified her. We also live on a cow farm by the way. I told her that once it’s dark a force field protects the house and cows have to stay outside. 

I could give you a million examples some will make you laugh until you cry. I have no filter for limit as to how far I will go to avoid tears, but get the point across. Again this is not harming them, but sometimes just makes life easier. As they get older just like with the Easter Bunny and leprechauns they figure out if was imaginary all along. 

What have you told your kids in order to stay sane? We’ve all done it one time or another. Comment and share!!!

Evils of Potty Training

I know I’m bad about regular blog posts. One of these days I’ll be better, but I refuse to write garble just so you have something to read. 

I’ve been distracted for the past couple months finishing my novel so I can be published before the end of May. So I have some time now that it is in editing to write one of my famous rants.

My almost 3 year old is driving me mad! As you know we have 6 kids between us and I have potty trained all but two of them. That said I have NEVER thought potty training was that difficult until now.

You’d think it would be easier now that I’m home 24/7/365, but that is a lie. I think if I could move out and take her with me for a month…Maybe even just a week. She would be diaper/pullup free. Don’t get me wrong I’ve been rediculously close to having her finished twice maybe three times. When she was 18 months old I thought we were going to have out first early trained child. She was peeing and pooping consistently on the potty. I just had placed it in the living room giving her uninhibited access to go whenever she needed to. Well that crashed and burned she regressed. I wanted to cry. 

I’m a firm believer in find something your kids want more and they will give up anything. My 13yr old gave up his bottle for bedtime stories. My 6 yr old gave up pacifiers for greeting cards . She had some strange likes back then, but I had a source and she got boxes and boxes. Then she actually there where own ‘pacis’ away. We only had a couple whining nights. 

In this case my youngest doesn’t seem to have anything she desperately wants. I don’t feel like she’s spoiled, but she gets more one on one time then the rest did because I’m home now versus working. We’ve tried candy rewards, stickers, promise of big girl panties. I even went as far as telling her that summer vacation at meemaw’s house was diaper free. She told me she still had pullups. 

Now we have told her the store won’t sell us anymore diapers or pullups because we have purchased too many. Yes, I will admit I’m not above lying to my children when it’s for their own good…And maybe mine as well.

So now we are in training panties, but we have peed through more than not. We also don’t poop in the potty anymore. I wouldn’t be upset about the pooping because most kids it scares, but I know she isn’t scared because she has done it before. 

We have tried the potty watch. If you’ve never heard of this it’s pretty neat. It can be programmed and the timer will go off either every 30,60 or 90 minutes. It lights up and flashes singing a little song. I think it has 2 or 3 songs it cycles to (London Bridges and the farmer in the Dell I think). After it goes off it resets itself automatically. I ordered on Amazon for $11.99 and it comes in pink, blue and lime green. I’ve posted the link in this post. I will say we never really wore the watch much. That was a novelty that wore off quickly, but we always kept it close. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001DY7PXW/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_apa_wr39ybAE7KANT 

This was by far the most effective tool. Unfortunately, right after Easter someone had hidden it. I can’t even hear it singing. It has fresh batteries which I just replaced after going a few weeks without it and realizing it’s the only thing that is actually working. Not sure who or where it is. So I’m using mlthe countdown feature on my phone. I have to reset it by hand and it’s not as effective, but it’s better than nothing. 

Needless to say after all this is an ongoing battle and I wish you all the best with your one child who is a potty training nightmare. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has one. If I am then I must have been an awful child and I’m being paid back now.

Missing children…It happens

Last night made me realize with 6 kids I’ve actually lost all 3 of mine own at one time or another. Not saying I didn’t lose the others at some point just can’t think off the top of my head of a specific instance. 

My oldest 13, his wasn’t funny it was a minor panic, but a teaching for him none the less. We were at a large zoo when he was maybe 5/6 yrs old and headed to see the elephants I believe. We want up one side and started in front of the elephant enclosure, but when I turned around he wasnt with us. I had the typical mom panic. Heart fluttering out of control hands started sweating. The there he was on the other side of the employee building. He had slowed down for a moment and missed us moving around the building in front of the enclosure.

My 6 year old was a bit less tragic and 100% more funny. I have to stay up until the youngest falls asleep. So once she is asleep I go and cover everyone back up so they don’t freeze after all their flailing. This might was just like any other except as I approached the bed I realized my 6 yr old was missing. She wasn’t in the bed anywhere, but her blankets were inna pile on the floor. So like any good mother I reached down to gather them back onto the bed only to connect with something solid. I slowly raised the blanket to discover my daughter’s feet and legs, but nothing else. This isn’t a horror story I promise. So after a bit more investigation I realized the remaining part of her body from the knees up is completely under the bed! You can’t make this up people. Now I’m not gonna lie I had a hard time getting her out of there, but it wasn’t her fault. I was laughing so hard I had to stop frequently to prevent me smacking her head into the frame. Of course she was finally back in bed and tucked in…..But she doesn’t remember anything about how or why she was sleeping under the bed.

My 2yr old is the reason I’m posting this now. Last night amongst her refusing to go to sleep and getting up 5,000 times. It got very quiet so my wishful thinking I thought she was finally asleep.  I walked to the bedroom from the kitchen (that means most do the downstairs was in my path). I turned the corner and she wasn’t in bed. I checked all over her room to no avail. I then proceeded to check both bathrooms and my own bedroom where sissy and daddy were sleeping. she wasn’t in any of those places. So as I headed toward the laundry room the only remaining room in the house….I’m startled by a blanket ghost. Needless to say I may have panicked for a second, but I’ll be searching the laundry room first next time. 

Have you lost a child? Was it funny or scary? Share your story in the comments. I’d love to hear them!

Sometimes you want to slap your kids

Don’t get the torches out yet.  I’m not that mom.  That said you know it’s true. Your kids smarts off for the 100th time. They scream one too many times for no reason. Or top of my list they blatantly disregard what you have told them not to do.  These things make you question your sanity and make you wonder why???

We were driving home one night and all the kids were in the car (yes 6 kids remember) that in and of itself is pushing the limits of sanity. My 2yr olds latest pastime is to scream at her siblings for doing things they aren’t doing.  I’ve had to resort to telling them to all but ignore her and not even look at her.  This particular trip was not following normal standards.  She was screaming incesently about nothing,  but that same nothing was not working to solve the problem. So of course I was driving and I’m used to doing the driving and parenting at the same time when it’s just her and I.  I tell her if she doesn’t be quiet I’m going to smack her face because I can’t reach her butt in her carseat.  (don’t run away yet I promise I’m not THAT mom) She tells me no I can’t do that,  but continues to scream.  So I do the blind, in the dark reach behind me and start feeling for her face and SMACK!  Now for those of you who are worried I just killed my daughter, you have all seen the patronizing face smack that is just enough to make a sound and make the skin jiggle…. That’s what I did.  The older kids (so I found out later)  were holding back laughter in the seat behind her. Knowing if I were to hear them I’d have pulled over.  Now story continues… 

Stunned the 2yr old says you smacked my face!  I said, yes I did and now you need to quit screaming or I’ll do it again. No! She screams you no smack my face again. This was followed by another scream and the scene replays. My hand fly’s into the back and…. SMACK!!! 

Stunned again she says,  don’t do that again! Now pouting she gets quiet and I tell her not to scream again!  Magically we make it home with little to no other incidents.

So tell me really that you have never just felt like smacking them would make it better……. It might be bad parenting and you may not act on it (Lord knows I hadn’t actually before this),  but we all know the thought has crossed all our minds. 

What did you say? 

Today is out first day back from Christmas break.  I might be doing a baby happy dance for life returning to normal.  Of course that means it’s going to snow tonight just to punish me for being happy.  That said,  it’s FREEZING cold today here and my 1st grader doesn’t know what that means.  She thinks dressing warm is putting on a coat over anything.  That includes princess dresses,  leggings,  even shorts at times.  All matched with a t-shirt because “that’s all I can find”. Of course that is said in the whiniest voice ever. 

Today she did not disappoint.  She took 30 mins to find a t-shirt as thin as possible (I think she does this on purpose and digs for the thin ones)  and a pair of sweat pants that are about three rolls too long and a bit big in the waist.  It’s as of she is dying to be naked outside in -4 degree windchill.  So like a good mother I send her back upstairs with specific instructions.  Go get a pair of jeans on and a long sleeved shirt.

Not to be outdone by mom logic she does exactly what I ask.  She puts on a long sleeved shirt as requested but once again it is the thinnest shirt you can imagine.  Along with a pair of colored skinny jeans.  You all know colored jeans are rarely as thick as her good blue jeans,  but this is what weare dealing with.  So instead of fighting the battle today I prayed for the force to be with her and sent her out on her self chosen path. 

Don’t you love how kids interpret what parents say?  Clean your room means go upstairs and move things around until you find something to play with then do that. Do your chores means sit here until mom/dad yells or forgets they said for me to do something. Don’t fight with you siblings means argue with mom/dad about who started it.  

Last I checked we taught them the language they are speaking.  So logic says they should understand the words that come out of my mouth.  Apparently kids adapt a version of English(or other languages they speak because I know this isn’t just my kids) that parents have forgotten.  At what age do we forget that language? I want it back just for translation purposes.  Just so when I want them to do something I know what words to use. 

a daddy is just not a mommy

Have you ever noticed dads can come home from work,  and granted they get tackled upon entering the house,  they are pretty much left to get cleaned up and go to the bathroom or do what they need without so much as a blink in their direction?  Moms on the other hand even if they have been gone to work all day they will have a guest in the bathroom for peeing and showering no matter what. 

I am a stay at home mom yes,  but I haven’t always been.  I’ve seen both sides.  Lately,  the side I see is being thankful for locking doors. Although if I lock the door to the bathroom to pee or shower I am fully expecting the utter breakdown on the other side of the door. It’s as if I haven’t just entered a room with only one exit. My youngest screams on the other side of the door like an actual murderer is inside with me and is going to take me out the other hidden door in that room and she will never see me again.  

I have one night a month I leave for a ladies night out. Under the guise of “working” I get a couple three hours of sanity. When I come home if (that’s a BIG “if”) the kids are in bed I’m under orders to go cover up said little because only mommy can do it.  Daddy isn’t good enough for such menial tasks.  

When the little need more milk in their sippy cups I have tried ask bubby  or daddy to get it for you.  I am met with the screaming “NO YOU!” I don’t make that mistake often. 

When it’s time for bed on a normal night, I’m up until all hours because she can’t sleep if I’m not close by.  When she gets up in the middle of the night she needs mom.  If mom is needing extra sleep and dad is being nice, he calls her to his side of the bed.  He is ignored as she pulls and tugs at mommy’s side. If daddy persists, he is met with a screaming “NO MOMMY!!” Now I’m awake because as moms we become light sleepers (I guess we are pre-wired that way from birth) and daddy’s don’t know how to be quiet or speak in hushed tones.  So I cave and take over. Knowing that she won’t sleep without me anyway.

As rewarding as being a mother can be,  it is also exhausting.  I’ve decided for every kids you have a week vacation is needed each year.  Seeing as my husband and I dont get vacations and have 6 kids….. We are behind and have a backlog of dates due to us.  I think I’ll be having a serious situation down talk with life. Say in about 15 years. I think by then I’m taking a year off to someplace exotic!  Oh and a beach is a must!! 

Dads don’t think I’m bashing trust me… I wish you could be a mom just for a day.  That would be enough to reset my brain back to living sweet mom again. Everyday scream in and scream out I wish someone else was good enough to be “mom” and give me a true break!