I haven’t written on this blog for a bit because I haven’t had any amazing and funny stories to share, but today I felt this was a moment where I needed to change gears and share some insight with the everyone.
If you look up the definition of “MOM” in the dictionary it states “a woman in relation to a child or children to whom she has given birth.” That definition doesn’t do justice to what we are the second a child comes from our womb. What the dictionary should say is “A person who does everything for everyone else without an ounce of gratitude or consideration from anyone. Someone who gives up her life for her kids as well as her spouse.”
Whether that mother is a stay-at-home mom or a working mom this still applies. You are the first person they call if they are sick and dying (because they go hand in hand). The one who they go to if their missing their shoes or their toy is broken (even thought dad is more equipped to fix said toy). They had a nightmare they come running to mom’s side of the bed. Dinner is on the table by a certain time every night and likely was put there by none other than MOM. If the house isn’t clean who is to blame? MOM! The kids are ill behaved, who is at fault? MOM! Something has disappeared and no one can find it. Call MOM! I forgot my (Fill in the blank) at home (this applies to husbands and kids) I can’t live without it. MOM!
I think these are just a few examples of how MOM comes to the rescue on a DAILY basis. It may look like your MOM/WIFE hasn’t done all the things you expect her to get done in a day (i.e dishes, picking up the house, vacuuming, laundry, dinner), but did you consider all the things she did that you don’t physically see. I’m not going to be a blunt as to say hey the family is still alive (because of MOM). I’ll give you a few hidden examples of a stay-at-home mom because that is what I am now. Here is an average day for me.
On a typical day, I get up with my kids and make sure they don’t look homeless on their way out the door (some days this isn’t successful and I can’t help it). Animals are fed (because kids typically forget to do it on their way out the door after walking by said food and animals themselves.) Then the little one is up she is three mind you and becoming very independent. That doesn’t mean she is actually doing things for herself. What that actually means is if she sees you helping her she will get upset or if you don’t jump and run to get what she “told” you do she will get upset. Ultimately resulting in my doing whatever she needed just to avoid a screaming throw down fit (Mom’s can only take so much). Now she is also refusing naps until she has exhausted herself to the point of plain passing out. Now back on track, youngest wakes up. She wants milk (NOW) and to watch the exact show she wants (even if said show isn’t on yet and she hates commercials, thanks DAD). Then she wants breakfast, but nothing that I have to offer is what she wants so she moves on to lunch foods (this is a recent development) until I finally give up and feed her a hot dog for breakfast so she won’t starve to death. Then she needs clothes (this will be the first of MANY clothes changes throughout the day for NO REASON!) I have stopped putting her clean clothes away because she changes so often I can’t keep track of clean and dirty anymore. If clean clothes are in her dresser/closet they will be on the floor within an hour of them being put away. So I have baskets set up and she dumps them multiple times a day onto the floor. So that will be the cleaning process that gets repeated over and over to put them back in the basket. Then we have Legos and Barbie’s that get left out and if asked to clean I get a pile in her room so we wait that out as well. After a particular rough day there WILL be many clothes, toys and such strewn through the house because I have no more energy left to tell said little to pick it and put it away. Then she asks for lunch this is an everyday adventure. She selects something and I warm it up, but inevitably no matter what I do it is ALWAYS too hot. So if I’m lucky the child doesn’t throw it on the floor and storm out (because she is also tired, but not admitting it to herself). Most days lunch will go in the “fridg-a-lator” to cool. She will likely forget it is there and get hungry and fetch herself a snack without asking. Then I have a mess, a snack and an uneaten lunch to deal with.
I’m not a pushover mom as it may sound. What I’m not adding in here is there are spankings (*GASP* I know get over it), timeouts, frustrated mommy sticking her head in her shirt like a turtle because I need a minute and on the really great days mommy tears because I’m so frustrated that I have a strong willed toddler who just plain doesn’t listen). My husband thinks I need to be more strict, but what he doesn’t realized is by the time the older kids get home I’M EXHAUSTED!! I have nothing left. I’m doing good to not lose it as soon as the first child starts bickering (and they do every day). I’m a mom I listen, I absorb and I try to be the softer side of this partnership (because typically dad’s are known to be the disciplinarian and mine is no different because he doesn’t have an ounce of patience). That bites me in the butt every day!
This also didn’t include days where toddler is asleep and older kids call because they need me to bring them something or they just aren’t going to be able to make it through the rest of the day. Or DAD calls and has forgotten something terribly important at home and I NEED to drive over an hour one way to get it to him (With said toddler in the car throwing a fit making the drive feel like four hours instead).
I’m losing my mind to life a little everyday. I actually almost left the house in a zipper hoodie (wide open) and a bra the other day because I didn’t realize I didn’t put my shirt back on. No I might not get laundry done every day and my house might be a wreck (EVERYDAY!), but you have to realized women are emotional creatures. We can only take so much before we break. After a day of raising kids (that are half YOURS) we don’t want to be told what we didn’t get done. We don’t want to listen to you complain because the house is a wreck and she is taking some much needed MOM time and getting on her phone/computer or vegging out in front of the TV attempting to watch one show that isn’t a cartoon or sings songs in high pitched sing-songy voices. She just needs a minute. You have been gone all day to work and sometimes might only get a couple hours a night with YOUR kids. She has 24/7/365. I know the last time I got away from my kids for an evening (2 hours) I still had to come home and put the kids to bed because they “needed me”. If she goes the bedroom to regroup, that just means it’s your turn to take care of them. She is likely trying to ward off a mental break. If you follow her into the bedroom hoping for some “ONE ON ONE” time (yes I’m talking about THAT) chances are you are going to be shot down. That is not why she is there and that is not what she wants. She wants to feel like the world isn’t crashing down around her as fast as she can build it back up. If you decide to follow her then expect to have a conversation with her about what she wants or to find a way to comfort her without looking for compensation because she has paid enough and that is why she is in there to begin with.
There is so much your wife/mom does that you don’t even see. Don’t take her for granted and let her fall into oblivion because no matter how together she seems, behind closed doors she is dying a little inside. Sometimes it feels like taking care of everyone else can suck the actual life out of you. I know I have times that I feel like I’m a shell of the person I once was. I talk to little people everyday on an intelligence level far beneath my own and my husband wants to do anything but talk when he gets home. So it just gets crammed back further into my brain until someone is there to listen. No being a mom isn’t sunshine and rainbows every day like some want you to believe and no I don’t love my kids any less. I will say there are times I want them to just GO AWAY!
I said all of this to say this. Husbands, Kids, FAMILY cherish your MOMS/WIFES. They go through HELL and BACK every single day, even if you don’t see it. Being a MOM is a thankless job and you don’t have to wait for Mother’s Day to tell her how much she means to you. Just knowing that you notice will mean the world to her.